Saying sorry to your child

There are times in a parents life when they are called upon to say the words sorry. But answer me this, Why is it so hard for us to admit it when we are wrong and to just say sorry, especially when it is a parent saying sorry to a child?

As a child I was taught that when you do something wrong you need to say sorry. But when I think about it now, I hardly ever heard my parents or any other Samoan parents say sorry to their children. Especially when it was the parents that seemed to be in the wrong. How many times have you been yelled at for something you didn’t do just to never hear your parents say sorry? How many of you grew up with alcoholic fathers just to never hear them say sorry for waking you up at 3am to make them something to eat after they have had a long night in the pub? How many times did you have to go without lunch because your parents were too busy trying to look good in front of the congregation and give your shopping money for lafoga? Did they ever say sorry?

I recall one time when my cousin was getting a hiding for something that she did not do and she tried to tell her father that it wasn’t her that did it but he was so enraged that he kept at it until I dropped myself on top of my cousin and begged him to stop. I told him that it could not have been her that took money out of his wallet because we had just gotten home from school and that when we arrived we walked straight to her room when we got home, but ehhhh you know, your typical Samoan father, stood his ground and said “No, I know was her, your cousin naughty and take all da time my money”.

Well it turned out that, it was his own wife that took money out of his wallet to pay for their phone bill. After finding out that it wasn’t his daughter, all the man could say was “Aoga sa fo’i le fa’alogata o lenei teinetiti ua ta fa’apea ai o ia na avea le tupe” (translation – Well she does misbehave so I thought it was her that took it) and then he turned to us, told us to do the saka and left for work. Not one ounce of ‘I’m sorry, I was in the wrong, please forgive me’. It was as if nothing happened.

We are plagued with this mentality that parents do not have to say sorry to their kids because according to the bible it is the kid’s duty to honour their parents and if the parents are wrong, oh well, keep moving and get over it. WRONG! Yes the bible says that we need to honour our parents, but that honour comes your way when what you are doing is in accordance to the will of God. Do you think God would expect your child to honour you while being abused? What right do we have to abuse our children and then expect honour and respect from them when the abuse that we have placed upon them is not what God had in mind when he gifted us with the little precious humans to love and cherish with all our hearts just as much as he cherishes them?

I once asked a Samoan male why he never said sorry to his kids when he was in the wrong and his answer was “It’s because I grew up in a household where parents never said sorry”. We need to learn to break this cycle and show our kids that we value everything about them and when we are in the wrong, just admit it. It won’t kill you. But the lack of hearing those words could kill the relationship between you are your child.

You don’t need a degree to say sorry. There is no art form to it. You just need a heart and a hell of a lot of love. It’s never to late to say sorry for your past, present and future mistakes while you are filled with Gods breath. I promise that when you say sorry and you mean it with all your heart and it comes with an explanation as to why you did wrong, it might not earn you love from your child straight away but it will help mend their broken hearts and melt them back in to your loving arms. Saying sorry could be the defining moment in your child’s life, no matter how young or old they are.

0 thoughts on “Saying sorry to your child

  1. You know i’ve been thinking the same thing, but it never occured to me to tell them as you dont want to get a hiding..
    hopefully this will change, this is good can i copy??

  2. Thanks Cuz… and hey Hernando…. please… feel free to copy… I’m just honoured that anyone… someone… actually took the time to read my ramblings…. lol…. thank you to you both…..

    Manuia la’asaga o le vaiaso



  3. That’s Awesome ! I Totally Agree .. Actually Already Had This Debate With My Dad A While Back . It’s Good To Know That There Are Others Who Think The Same !

  4. Hey Sarah,

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and yes… there are defin8ly more ulu ka’es that think the same as you…. lol… like me…. lol….. Yes I use to have the same debate with my dad when he was alive and it wasn’t until a few months before he passed away that he said sorry for all the things that my brother and I went through when we were young. I totally understood that he was doing the best he could, but just hearing him say sorry, was good enough for me. I find that saying sorry to my children when I am in the wrong has them telling me that they love me in such a genuine way, that every time they say it, it comes out of the blue and then I am in the corning crying from happiness lol…. No matter what nationality you are we all need to say I am sorry and I love you more often….

    Once again thanks for stopping by

    Manuia le aso


  5. Dear Friend,

    I did not read the whole thing, I am 20 and i have spend my whole life in samoa. Just moved to the states and going to scholl and work. Anyways, Just to let you kow that there is not really a translation for sorry in our language, but FAAMAGALO mean forgive me. SORRY Is mostly used by samoan to the colsest word that sound like SOLI. Reading your story I found out half way that there is two diffrent situations we have , and yes It Is a every day thing for samoan parent.

    First situation is if you have parent that did not finish their scholl back in the old dayz, they dont want to say the english word SORRY cuz they might say it…No but that is true, It goes for almost all samoans. And Im sure when yourtalking In english you dont want it to come out…Y’all should already know that when you get SASA by your parent of this kind, Its in their hear that they did not finsh their school, so they do all that they can to make you finish your without any small mistake. some of the samoan parents work all day @ the fish canrie to make enough money for , Food, Clothes, Car gas if your parents had a car back then, Faalavelaves, electric bills, water, and most important you bus…and maybe lunch money…

    See we kids nowadays look what other wear, back then you parent had only two pair of shorts and two pair of shirt and hopefully a pair of…j/k. Let me show you their point off view…ITS MY MONEY I CAN SPEND IT ON WHAT EVER I…yes that is true , Its your parents tyhat are makein the mula/money, not YOU.understand.

    For the sasa, When i was sixteen i whent out with sme friends and came back home like 3 in the early morning , my dad new what time i came home. he waitted up all moring untill i woke up. when i did he cxalled me and he only said 4thing (UA MALIE LOU EVEA) LOL..well I got the sasa, but i ran to my grand mother and my grand mother sasa me ass for the saying u wrote (oga sa fo’i le fa’alogata o lenei teinetiti ua ta fa’apea ai o ia na avea le tupe”)same thing as the boy that cry wolf , for this case her father lost trust, but not forever. when u loose that trust it takes you like 50 feause and 20 car wash and everyday house cleaning to gain back their trust..lmao.


  6. Dear Stella,

    Thank you for taking the time out to read and respond to my blogging efforts. You have taken the time out to react; so I feel that it is only appropriate that I respond in a likely manner. Please don’t take offense to anything that I am about to express via the www, but accept it as a friendly and humble reaction to your posted comment. We are all but humans and the more opinions that are circulated via the www allows one the much needed mental exercise one may need in order to form and reform ideas about certain areas under discussion.

    There are a few things that you wrote about that I would like to respond to.
    1. Translation of the word sorry
    2. Parents making the money
    3. Boy who cried wolf
    4. Sasa and last but not least
    5. Child walking all over you

    1- Translation of the word sorry

    You are right there is no ONE word that one can use to translate the word SORRY in Sāmoan. However, this is the case for a lot of the English words that one tries to translate into Sāmoan. But does that stop us from trying? When you know you have done wrong do you sit there and not say sorry because you can’t pronounce the word ‘sorry’? No, you are Sāmoan so you say “Fa’amolemole, fa’amagalo mai la’u sesē”. Because why? Because one cannot be forgiven if one does not ask for forgiveness. You can only know how truly ‘salamō’ someone is when they use the words sorry, or in our case since we are ‘Sāmoans’, “Fa’amagalo mai sa’u sesē”. The words “Fa’amagalo” and “salamō” and “Ua ‘ou sesē, were around way before the word “sorry” came into the vocabulary of the Sāmoans, and considering we are a respectful people, I am sure our parents, our grandparents and even our great great great grandparents used them when they were in the wrong. I wasn’t saying that one need to use the English word to ask for forgiveness, that was not the aim of my blogging. I was just saying that in order to teach children how to say “Fa’amagalo mai a’u fa’amolemole” is to lead by example. Like I said in my blog, you don’t need a degree to say sorry, so ehhhh, my opinion is, it doesn’t matter if your parents finished school or not and it doesn’t matter if they don’t speak good English, it does not justify them being rude. Think about it, do you think there are so many fa’ali’i and fia tagata kids around because we are not teaching them to say “Fa’amagalo mai, ua ‘ou sesē? Just a thought.

    2- Parents making the money.

    When a brother is playing with their sister and then their sister wants to play with his basketball should he say no because it’s his basketball? Or should he just be a fa’ali’i kind of child and not allow her to play with it? I think not. Why because that would mean that the child does not know how to share. This is why my opinion about your comment that “ITS MY MONEY I CAN SPEND IT ON WHAT EVER I WANT” sounds childish and wrong (I say this in the most respectful way). I am a parent and I make money, but does this give me the right to hold it over my children’s heads? My money I can do what ever I want with it? No, wrong. My kids did not ask to be born, I chose to have them which means that it is my responsibility to look after my kids the right way and provide for them the way that God intended for me to provide for them. See in reality it’s not really my money, it is God’s money. How is it? Well, he provides me with life, energy and wisdom that allows me to make money. So you see, in reality, once you become a parent, your life should revolve around giving that child all the support and love that they deserve.

    3 – Boy who cried wolf.

    I understand where you are coming from (re:my cousins story), and yes it takes a lot of feaus to gain your parents trust, but must we as parents torture our kids in order for them to gain our trust? Yes, my cousin was on the fa’alogota side, but she was young and naïve, but the thing is every time she did get in trouble before, she paid for all those mistakes, but all those mistakes never involved taking money from her parents. Her father was just having a bad day so it was not fair that she paid for it, and she never got an apology. Even though they are children, they are also human beings who deserve to be treated with love and respect. Its one thing to expect children to show respect and honesty and trustworthiness but if they do not see the adults around them show all these traits then how are they suppose to know what it is. Parents are not always perfect and yes, they too know how to cry wolf and get it wrong.

    4 – Sasa

    I agree that children need to be disciplined. Never once did I say you should not smack your children. I am a mother of two and when my kids deserve the smack they definitely do get it, but as a very last resort. When they do get a sasa they know exactly what it’s for and we have discussed it and we are all in agreement that they deserve it. But when one speaks about sasa one must sasa with love and not out of anger, because God blesses parents with children, and God is a loving God not a God who is quick to anger, which means that when he talks about disciplining your children he is talking about disciplining them with love.

    5 – Child walking all over you

    Never was my blogging aimed at making your children walk all over you. All I was suggesting is that in order for the future generations of our people to be humble and loving human beings, then maybe they should be treated with humility and love by the people that are suppose to mould them and cherish them just like God intended us too.

    I thank God for my mother every day (R.I.P Dad) and yes I am grateful for my upbringing, and yes my parents did say sorry to me when I was growing up, but never once did I stand all over them. Just take the time out to think about it, when your friend does wrong and they say sorry to you, does this not make you respect them ever more? Well can you imagine the kind of respect a parent would receive from their child if they said “Fa’amolemole, fa’amagalo mai a’u?” Saying sorry is not a weakness it’s a form of strength that shows that you have the ability to acknowledge your wrongs. Children learn better by example.
    Just because one is a parent one is not immune to mistakes. I know this, because I too am a parent.

    Upu a anamua “O fanau a tagata e fafaga i upu, a o fanau a manu e fafaga i fugalaau” – Translation – The young of birds are fed with the blossoms of trees whereas the young of humans are fed with words – Meaning, that children are entitled to be nurtured on good thinking and good behavior. Like I said, before, children learn better from living proof examples.

    Ae ua lava lea valea lol, oute ‘aioi atu ia e alofa, fa’amagalo mai pe afai ua sapi pe sesē se mata’itusi.

    Manuia la’asaga o le aso


  7. Beautifully laid out and discussed and I’ve enjoyed the opinions tabled so far.

    I feel that saying the ‘S’ word as it is in this context is a two way street. It’s interesting when a child is raised imbuing them with all sorts of virtues, and, knowing when to acknowledge you’re wrong, as being one of them, that as adults/parents we think it lies with them that adults/parents are not OBLIGATED to utter the ‘S’ word. That is, THEY (the children) are the ones who need to say this more then adults/parents. That somehow, when they get the sasa/fasi we are so justified as to why or the manner of sasa/fasi they get.

    I’ll table this before I move on in support of what’s been said:
    1) Yes sasa/fasi is part of the discipline it is not only a cultural aspect of Sa life but ‘universal’ in that this also exists in other cultures
    2) When a child is gonna git the sasa/fasi, they need to know WHY they’re gettin it as punishment etc for the ‘crime’ done..
    3) I agree, dialogue is essential to reason and sort thangs out, but sasa/fasi should come last not the usual Sa approach of ‘fists first, questions later’
    4) Sasa fuafua, that is, you don’t need to mount an all out attack to ‘wastefy’ your child until there’s a few drops of life in them.. they’re not your enemy, they are not just some ‘thing’, they are not ‘someone ese’ they are YOUR flesh and blood.

    This is open for opinion coz there may be so many various reasons why thangs are the way they are (especially what’s under discussion) in the Sa way. Mayhap it is a lack of education, it could be, as you quoted the male you asked, it is pure tradition that it was handed down from generations to generations so as such, it’s all he/they have ever known as the ‘right’ way of going about thangs. Let me say here, that we can do everything we can as loving parents or otherwise to bring our children up right, but the flip side of the coin is, life being what it is, our efforts are either paid off and we are rewarded or it just goes belly up. So when that happens, we need to address the issue based upon it’s own merits not soley lay the blame on ‘mea ga maua i le le fasia o kamaiki ma faakogu’ or ‘mea ga maua i le so’oga fasi fasi o si ga kamaikiki’ etc etc……..

    The lack of acknowledgement, for a parent, when they are in the wrong, to their children has a lot of systemic repercussions. It begets generations of violence. You end up with offsprings who will march forward to a future as ‘damaged goods’ or ’emotionally detached’ not knowing, not sure of themselves, as to how to communicate, react, and co exist with each other or potential partner in a conducive and fulfilling emotional way. While you may feel this is extreme or I’m just being overly dramatic about it, nothing could be further from the truth. Parents/Adults need to have an open mind to listen to the young. Yes they might say ‘ke le iloa se mea leaga ke le’i ola mai ai’ or ‘le’i kaikai a e o’o i ai lou moe pi’ yada yada yada. But at the end of the day, it’s not about showing who’s smarter or trying to lord one’s opinion over the other. It’s about sitting down, hearing out, be open enough, humble enough to SHARE and COMMUNICATE from the old to the young and vice versa. The situation should be that of ‘fekufakufaa’i’ etc….

    I’ve always believed that life is all about balance in whatever aspect. Please note, these are my thoughts shared and not an ‘is all and be all.’ In closing let me say…..

    1) A fasi le fanau, let it be for the right reasons
    2) Fasi/fa’atonu ma le alofa/fai ma le fuafua
    3) Let there be a lot more dialogue and less physical violence (in the context of fa’akogu/discipline etc)
    4) As adults/parents if we are/were in the wrong, then for god’s sake say so, apologise coz if we groom our children to say that word or to have that attitude, why can’t we? As tabled in our discussion. We need to move away from this ‘le fia ko’ilalo’ or ‘e ua ka ma se’ mentality. It don’t mean anyone’s weak. Being truly weak is not saying nothing. Acknowledging a miscarriage of disciplinary justice has occured creates, in the long haul, harmony… trust…respect and all of those good thangs. And yes, it is a two way street 🙂

    Thanks again for this timely topic and sage thoughts tabled. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it

    Ia manuia



  8. Dre…..

    “As adults/parents if we are/were in the wrong, then for god’s sake say so, apologise coz if we groom our children to say that word or to have that attitude, why can’t we?”

    Amene… Amene… ma toe Amene……..

    Matthew 7:12 (King James Version) Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

    Fa’afetai lava le faitau ma le tufatufa mai


  9. I am a mother of three and I so love my children, yet everyday in my prayers I ask the Lord to help me break the cycle of abuse that I dish out on my children. When I say abuse I mean exactly that mental, physical, psychological, emotional the whole gamet. I know that when I smack my children or say some comment to them it will hurt them and in my soul I still feel the pain that I went through when I used to get the sasa but the comments were always the most hurtful. The scars from the fusipa’s or salu lima or the hand imprint on my leg or arm would eventually fade in time but the scars run much deeper. Now as a parent I believe I have scarred soooo badly that I fear that I am becoming the parent I “never want to be”.
    At times I feel there is hope because as my blood boils with rage I hear myself say talk to them calm down think about the pain. And I do calm down and talk to my children, be it “very loudly”. And they do listen for about a few seconds and then they’ll make the mistakes again if not today then tomorrow or a few months later.
    I guess the point I am trying to make is that I came from that environment, and the vicious cycle is always be there unless we make the conscious effort to break it, And I do say “sorry” and I explain to my children why it was I was I shouted at them, or smacked them but before anyone can say sorry they need to understand how to say it and why they did what they did and then actually verbalise it. What does it feel like to say sorry? It makes me feel like I am another child, I makes me equals with my child that I did wrong to. It puts me on a level field with them and it is humbling.
    For me it is two steps forward and one back when dealing with this monster from my past, I am trying and will keep doing so.

  10. Well said Teine… you not alone there. I relate to what you’re sayin coz my background is similar. I see the consequences of such legacy. Our family is that of people with tempers of epic proportion. The ‘ika’ is a poison that has seeped through the generations and is there in mine. For me, it comes down to a ‘decision.’ I have to decide if that is what I want, if that is how I want the new generation to be. I had the gutsful at one stage in my life, the usual ‘crossroads’ where I said to myself ‘enuff is enuff’ .. ‘it stops here.’ My siblings and I all share the common goal and philosophy as far as the issue discussed is concerned. We have all made the conscious choice to ‘steer’ the course of our families and generations towards a much better way of life as far as abuse and remorse is concerned.

    So in closing, I just wanna say GO YOU GOOD THANG. It’s not a one day fix or fix today no problems tomorrow ever more.. like anythang worthwhile striving for in life, it takes effort, it is ongoing. . . you’ll get there in the end. Fa’amalosi and loto tele :o) .

    My respects to you

    Ia manuia



  11. This is a late reply but I just wanted to add that I grew up in a family where the parents never said ‘sorry’ – and I often resented them for it. So, now that I am a parent, I try my best to always say ‘sorry’ when it is required. I love my son, as I’m sure my parents loved me, but it is something that I consciously do as a parent because I don’t want my son to grow up resenteing me. I try my best to communicate with my son and this openness was also something lacking in my own traditional upbringing. I think my (our) parents are just products of their upbringing and we cannot blame them for it… but we can learn from our experiences and change the way we behave towards our children… let’s break the cycle!!

  12. Apologies for not replying earlier…. Bereavement within our ‘aiga kept me away from the computer…. But ehhh…. Now I am back….. Hopefully…. I will be able to respond to everyone sooner rather than later……

    Your feedback and opinions are very much appreciated…….

    Anyhu….. Big ups to Dre for keeping the words of wisdom flowing re:this here topic……

    *Teine, tama, sivasiva mai……

    First and foremost let me congratulate you for seeing that there is a problem… and having the guts to say and do something about it…… I so feel you on this girl…. I too have had that problem….. Screaming and yelling over the smallest things….. and then getting to the point where I just want to gagau a child…. Due to the fact that no matter what you say and do to them….… they still find the need to repeat it over and over and over again…. Until I realized that here I was screaming at them for repeating their mistakes over and over….. and here I am…. Screaming at them over and over and over….. after I had already told myself…. And them… that I would try not to scream but communicate with them……. Lol… so yes…. It is a vicious cycle…..But yes as Dre said… GO YOU GOOD THANG……we all learn through trial and error…. And yes…… as parents we are only given a small window of opportunity to be either positive or negative forces in our childrens lives…. Before they start to make their own decisions….. so yes it might be hard….. but girl….. trying to change is better than being in denial…… I’m not sure if this will work for you…. but sharing is caring right??? So here is what has helped me keep the lines of communication open with my children….. I sat them down… and told them that I feel I have anger issues….. and that in order for me to stop screaming and yelling…. Not only did I need to help myself…. But I also needed their cooperation…… I told them…. That….. If I ever felt like my blood was about to boil….. I would tell them in a calm manner…. That I was not happy with what ever happened….. but right now I was too mad to think clearly…. And that mummy needed some time alone…… That means… that when I need time alone…. That what ever room I felt like going to… whether it be lounge….. Living room…. Kitchen…. Or bed room….. or even outside…… where ever I was… it would be out of bounds to children….. that way…. I get peace of mind….. And I can calm myself down…. As well as think about the situation…… This has worked wonders for me….. I now…. Know that yelling and screaming….. does not solve anything…. Or make a child behave better…… the only thing it does…. Is make my kids ears sore….. Embarrass them as well as me… because the neighbours can hear out business….. lol… and add stress to my vocal chords…… lol…. So yes… when I have had my time alone….. and I am ready to talk to my kids….. that’s when I sit them down… talk the situation over… and have them….. help me…. With what ever punishment needs to be laid down….. This solution only came through trial and error….. I am not saying that it is a one size fits all…. But what I am saying is….. find a solution that fits you and your children….. Best of luck…. And ehhhh…. Don’t lose faith or heart…… no one is perfect….. you win some you lose some……

    Kobe….. You are absolutely right…… we can’t blame our parents….. Because holding grudges about how we were raised only damages us as well as our children….. Big ups to you….. for opening the lines of communication and helping pave the way for the next generation……

    Alofaz and Blessings to you all


  13. i totally agree with all views voiced above … i also know that the older generation are staunch in their ways as they know no other but I found with my father that talking to him about it, having the heart-to-heart that he never had with his father etc.. helps, I think it goes to show that they are capable of adapting to the modern world, if you call it that? of changing their ways?

  14. You know, we can’t expect our parents to say sorry to us for their behavior. We can hope so. I mean my mother apologized to me after many, many years (I was in my twenties) for the way she had reared me as a child.
    The are reasons as to why people behave the way they do, such as their upbringing, maybe they are unconsciously stressed from work and living in a new country. Raising kids ain’t easy, and there are no manuals, well no self help parenting books translating into Samoan.
    Most of our parents, if raised in Western Samoa were mainly educated with the basics and if they wanted they could further their education in other western countries such as NZ or the USA. But even in these places their is no course on parenting, and many traditional Samoan churches don’t really have seminars on parenting.
    I believe as the times are changing, we need to turn around and make right of the wrongs our parents did. It takes a strong person to say sorry to someone they have wronged. But even a stronger person can forgive those whom have wronged them.
    God bless.

  15. You know, we can’t expect our parents to say sorry to us for their behavior. We can hope so. I mean my mother apologized to me after many, many years (I was in my twenties) for the way she had reared me as a child.
    There are reasons as to why people behave the way they do, such as their upbringing, maybe they are unconsciously stressed from work and living in a new country. Raising kids ain’t easy, and there are no manuals, well no self help parenting books translating into Samoan.
    Most of our parents, if raised in Western Samoa were mainly educated with the basics and if they wanted they could further their education in other western countries such as NZ or the USA. But even in these places their is no course on parenting, and many traditional Samoan churches don’t really have seminars on parenting.
    I believe as the times are changing, we need to turn around and make right of the wrongs our parents did. It takes a strong person to say sorry to someone they have wronged. But even a stronger person can forgive those whom have wronged them.
    God bless.

  16. Hey Dee… Thank you for your response… and yes…. I think you have hit the nail on the head….. Its all about communication….. So… yes… keep up those talks with your father….. because if anything….. those will be the moments that you will be able to treasure for the rest of your life…..

    Clamant7…. Malo lava le saunoa….. Your right… that we can’t expect our parents to say sorry for their behaviour….. But… on the other hand…… It’s our God given right to be apologised too….. Just like…. Children are taught to say sorry….. Parents are not immune from this act either….. I know that there are no manuals…. But in saying that…. This blog was directed to the here and now generation…… Let us wrong the rights of our parents…. When it comes to raising the future generations….. The time to change is now…..
    I totally agree with you when you say “It takes a strong person to say sorry to someone they have wronged. But even a stronger person can forgive those whom have wronged them”….. Two things we should be teaching the future generations…. Saying Sorry and Forgiving….

    Manuia la’asaga o le vai aso fou!


  17. weo STELLA i can feel were u r cuming 4rm .
    but its juss lyphe .
    and things get to happen dat we never expect dem tew happen .
    and yooh knw we samoans are taught tew RESPECT and thats our CULTURE !!
    but in time things will CHANGE !!!
    but may-b its hard for dem parents to say it ,
    b-cuz dey knw nd also feel it .
    may-b u may not 4-give dem for not saying it tew u ,
    but in dere hearts dey do say it .

  18. I think its just yesterdays parents that dont say sorry. I really never expected or wanted my parents to apologize if they messed up or something. I mean…it just went unsaid…we both knew when they messed up but I dont know…i guess being raised in a Samoan family u dont expect those words from your parents. But I say sorry to mah two daughters a lot! Even when its not my fault. Like if they fall and hurt themselves I say sorry LOL

  19. hi sia, great topic!!
    this has always been a subject for discussion between me and my sisters/freinds and extended family, we’ve all had similar experiences with our parents.
    we all came to the same conclusion….that it was purely the way they were brought up, that its happened generation to generation, that whatever they thought to be ‘just’ for the child was always right, that when the parent found that they themselves were in the wrong they would come up with some form of justification (or just shrug it off) just to get away from saying sorry because that would mean THEY were wrong (and the way they think the parent is never wrong!) and that would make them feel like they were bowing down to the child.
    i had alot of that growing up and still do but not so much now that i’m older with my own family, but my dad still tries (the ol’ bugger lol) but now its more jokingly.
    i am so glad that i and my sisters haven’t picked up on that, we have brought our kids up to be open with their feelings and by doing that they have to learn from their parents, saying sorry, saying i love you, cuddles, kissys, all the things we (my sisters and i) didnt grow up with. its not like we sat at home thinking ‘wow, i’m not gonna treat my kids this way!’ once we had kids its just the way we did it, and whats really funny now is that dad says “give da love for da kids!” he never said “love” when WE were kids!! lol
    so i’m happy to say within my own family and freinds that the cycle has broken and in saying that i’m glad my parents are still around as a reminder for me….

  20. As parents we are taught from by our own parents, what is right or wrong to the perception of our even though we know that for certain times that they maybe be wrong. But we as young as we are, we as childern accept our hidings that we were getting, was going to get or not going to were we want to after getting a hiding. I learnt from many hidings from my father it’s better to say nothing or you the hiding you were getting would last longer. Between the hits we or should I say i was saying sorry for something that I know was wrong BUT BY SAYING SORRY I hoped would end the hiding. So I grew up……. wrong as it may seem, that all parents were RIGHT ……. lol …….. that parents never say sorry because they were parents. My mum started to stop dad from giving me plus my bros and sisters a hiding. Mum tried to stop the abuse that all samoan parents around us were still doing like discplining/abusing their childern. My mum became a social worker and the work she had done with the family and families around us strangly a foriegn words started to appear LOL……. like S.O.R.R.Y. For me the age old cycle of parents being ultimately RIGHT had been righted. I understand now that I have childern and gran childern that my parents were just following what their parents had taught them, which was never answer your parents back, which was and still is sad to say the Island way wrong as it may seem. I like others in my circle say sorry when we are wrong, thank you and please to our childern that we have broken the cycle of abuse. That we speak to our childern instead of hitting our childern hopefuly they would teach their childern what we have taught them. I LOVE MY PARENTS because I would speak to my mum as a person of equal standing lol with my father in the background fumming with the salu … lol … nah just joking my father accepted what mum was doing dad still was faa’asamoa and evouled from the hitting, to fuming and going to the room to speak his mind to mum who would back the kids up end explain to him why the kids were doing what he was angry at. Mum died 2004 she was still the anchor of the family, dad died 2008 he was the rope that was tied to the anchor mum), kept the canoe (family) safe. And kept the family safe when out in the sea and grounded to the shore.

  21. I enjoyed reading some of the words that were shared and I think that it is true in some sense but our parents are now coming to a sense where they know that time have changed and its all about communication rather than physical contact. Thank you. I hope that some information do not send a wrong message out to those who are reading this. I had a good discussion with some of the elders about this “Samoan Love” and I find out that it is a way of discipline. Hey, if it wasnt for this “Samoan Love” I doubt I’d be where I am now. Look at what has happened to American or Western Love it’s all about social service, foster homes and that’s the cause of more trouble. Love but don’t hate. It’s in the Bible this “Samoan Love”. Thanks mom and dad.

  22. Parenting is the hardest job in this world. Basically, you design your personal parenting guideline/curriculum as you go. My parenting style is a combination of what worked from my parents and enhancing/modifying/reducing in areas where my parents may have laxed, etc. The primary conflict I encounter in parenting our children comes from my spouse.
    I grew up with parents who did acknowledge when they were wrong or overjudge. My parents always used whatever as a learning moment..good, bad, or in-between. I’d say we (me & sibs) were spanked 15% compared to talk-sessions 85%.
    Parenting is no walk in the park, more like a walk in a mine field.

  23. Yeah, what everyone is saying is nothing but the truth and its the fact. Thanks to Sia for sharing what she shared. I had read the whole story and yes I totally AGREE. It’s the typical SAMOAN CUSTOM that parents dont say sorry in any way or at all. It’s the PRIDE that’s there. But yeah the Bible says to honor our parents. Okay that I agree. It was just like how I was brought up. but hey I dont get SASA for nothing, at least now that I’m a grown up and having my own family and kids, I now know why I get SASA when I was young, but Im trying my very best to raise my kids differently from how I was raised, but I really wanna THANK my MOM & DAD for the way I was brought up because its who I am today…..Thanks Sia

    Have a blessed day…

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