Its 4am in the morning – in a few hours, I leave my confinement of Melbourne, the Australian
equivalent of Seattle, Wellington, Paris? Its my hometown, its what I’ve known as home for most
of my life, my mom lays here in Melbourne, so forever, my heart will be connected here.
I said goodbye to her again, its the beginning of another adventure since she’s passed, my moms always knew that I was always going to go to where-ever my heart lead me around this world, and I could see her smile, because she knows – I’ll always return to Melbourne, return to Australia, return to my momma.
I hate saying goodbye. Its one of those things which get me all choked up inside and I feel all googley and mushy. I don’t know what it is? My soft cry-baby side? I never really liked the fact that “goodbye” or even “goodbye for now” had such a deeper meaning to me.
To be honest, I’ve lost the excitement that I used to hold onto for weeks before I travelled somewhere.
For the first time, I’m not running away from something, someone, or a situation. (there you go, my weakness)
I used to be so fucked off at things around me, that my urge to pack up and piss off to somewhere foreign was my daily dream and wish, I had changed every background on whatever computer I was using to distant locations (who the hell does that?) besides my little attempt to keep myself motivated that maybe, just maybe! there was a place out there in the world that was better than my own surroundings.
Today, I leave – out of pure duty. I will be taking care of my (maternal) Grandmother, the mother to my mother, the mother to my mom’s who can’t do it no more, but I’ve gladly taken the role.
The older Samoans say that blessings come from looking after your elders and to be honest, thats why I’m doing it – I can get all the blessings I can, not for me, but for my sister (who’s expecting her first child), for my little brother (who just came out of Juvenile detention centre), for my other little brothers who have the world before them, and for everyone else in my family who has ALWAYS been there for me and my brothers and sisters.
I am blessed with the most beautiful family any Samoan can ask for. Fuck That, any Human Being can ask for.
I havent had the most perfect life, I contributed to most of the fuck-ups, so I hope our father up there in the big blue sky is looking down on me, please keep my whole family in Melbourne, and everywhere around the world – safe.
I have a great responsibility in my hands. My Grandmother, is a Grandmother to 45 Grand-children, 2 Great-Grand children, and a family spanning 4 Villages of Samoa.
Here’s to the city that I was born in, Auckland.
The city that raised me, Melbourne.
And the city, where everything else about me – will me made, Apia.