The first cut is the deepest. And the longest to heal, she remembers the first time it happened. It scarred her physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. The memory is still so vivid and it makes her sick to her stomach. Her body weakens and her eyes fill with tears every time the memory arises. It becomes a re-occurring nightmare.
He would creep into her room and carry her to another. She is not aware mentally but physically. He would pull off her nighty and place them neatly beside her. She tries to keep her knees together but that would result in a fist to her gut. A few minutes and it was over, he dressed her and carried her back to bed. As his foot steps fade down the hall way she could no longer hold her tears. Crying til she fell asleep, just like every other night.
Ashamed to tell a soul left her to keep it a secret. Never has she felt safe in her own home alone as she knew the routine too well. Even with her younger sister in the room asleep he would creep into her bed holding her body down. Any little move she made he treated her like a punching bag. When it was over sometimes he would give her a kiss goodnight, sometimes he would just leave without dressing her. It is only in the morning that she would wake up half dressed.
She prays everyday and every night for her nightmare to stop. Even after fifteen years she never blamed god for her suffering. Until the night he went to work, she decided that she had had enough. She prayed for courage and did what she believed to be the most right thing to do.
Since she told her nightmare, things around the home changed. He knew what she had done; he was very angry and wanted to kill her. He beat her up in her room til she couldn’t stand. Her body was once again abused. When others asked why she was beaten, she was forced to make up a story. Nobody questioned his actions as he was feared. That same day her beloved grandmother passed away.
She put her problems aside as she was more hurt from the sad news. Realising she had nobody to turn to, her faith in god also died away.
There were only a few people in her life that she could turn to for help and all had either left her behind or refused to help. What was she left to do? She had done everything she could.
Being away from home was the best option she had and she took it. As she tries to rekindle her relationship with god, she is once again faced with her nightmare.
The first cut is the deepest, and the longest to heal. How deep is her scar, and will it ever heal?